Reducing Stress in Adults With ADHD

Many adults with ADHD struggle with structure, following rules and creating new routines. Starting a tedious, unrewarding task can be challenging, and it can be equally tough to stay with it until completion.

Routines highlight how we spend the hours of our days and the days of our weeks. Whether it’s morning, bedtime, exercise, cleaning, self-care, or meals, these routines offer the structure that assists with creating the order all of us need to get by.

5 tips to help establish a routine that works

1. Identify one aspect of your day that isn’t working for you.

Be specific but with a narrow focus. This is what you want to change. One of the reasons that Bree was successful is that she selected one thing to work on, arriving at school earlier.

Since she didn’t want to change what she did before going to work, she woke up earlier, regardless of the time she went to bed. Bree also set alarms and alerts on her phone and her computer and even bought an alarm clock.

Many people with ADHD get too caught up in how to make something work because they have widened their field.

2. Organize the steps needed for your new routine.

Do a brain dump of what needs to shift to remake your routine. Then, prioritize what is most important by taking a few items from this list and focusing on those. Define the main steps to change a habit and keep this brief. Figure out what types of planning or materials you need.

3. Identify what motivates you.

Is it something external? Like an exceptional coffee, recognition from your boss, or the absence of late fees on your credit cards? Or is it something internal, like reaching a personal goal or the satisfaction of the accomplishment itself? There’s no right or wrong answer.

Look for what’s most effective so things may change and you encounter success. It’s okay if you need external validation initially.

Changing a habit for folks with ADHD often works better initially if the people around you notice your efforts. Bree’s students did this spontaneously for her, which touched her and helped her keep going. Is there a particular activity or words of acknowledgment that goes along with the new behavior that would feel good?

Many adults with ADHD experienced a childhood littered with criticisms, judgments, and negativity for aspects of being neurodivergent that they could not control. The positive-to-negative balance in your head is probably still terribly skewed. So, it makes perfect sense if you benefit from external and internal motivation.

4. Bring the future into the present.

One reason it’s so tough to change is that the consequences of not changing may not be immediate enough to pressure you to do it now. With your now-or-not-now ADHD brain, unless the present is miserable, change won’t occur. So bring the future into the present.

Consider how you will feel if you don’t follow through with the new routine that you’ve set up for yourself. Visualize your future and how you want to think about the present.

Ask yourself, “Do I need to impose artificial consequences instead of waiting for natural, negative ones to occur?” and “How can you make this shift daily and nurture consistency without self-blame or shame?”

5. Find accountability buddies.

Once you’ve narrowed down the habit you wish to change, set up a clear plan, and find accountability buddies. They will compassionately and firmly help you stick to your stated goal and assist you when you face an obstacle. When publicly sharing a purpose and plan, you transform an intention into action.

It’s essential to commit to something doable that’s not too daunting. Aim for completion to keep building on your success. Do you have a friend, colleague, partner, coach, or therapist who could be your support? When professional tennis players start a match, they have a cheering section. Who can be in yours? It’s critical to have these folks around to celebrate your success and acknowledge it as the big deal it is.

Creating a new routine means changing habits. It’s not just about when you do things but how what, and why. The "why" could be the reason you’re holding back.

In some cases, you may be attached to a particular approach that may have served you in the past.

These habits are developed to help you reduce stress, avoid something fearful or uncomfortable or decrease frustration.

Ask yourself now: Is this routine serving me in my life currently? If the answer is "yes," great. Keep going with it. But if the answer is "no," then it’s time for a change.

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